Be Honest with Yourself...

Make an "Obsession Catalog."

I recently learned about the concept of making an “Obsession Catalog.” This instantly made me think of the AA practice of creating a “Moral Inventory,” but an Obsession Catalog is totally different, neutral, and non-punitive. Rather than penalizing/condemning, I found the exercise freeing, albeit a little anxiety-inducing.

Photo by Zahra Amiri on Unsplash

An obsession catalog is the simple practice of writing a list of your current obsessions and then adding/subtracting them over time, watching yourself change, kind of like the thumbnail version of a diary, or a child’s evolving toy shelf.

Why do this? To be honest with yourself. Why? Because I sense that most people deny their own obsessions, either downplaying them, hiding them, or pretending that they aren’t obsessions, normalizing them…

As teenagers and kids, obsessions are easier to see: boy bands, dinosaurs, airplanes, manga, makeup, ponies, that guy in first period with blond curls and green eyes, stickers, etc. But then, as adults, we hide, conceal, and lie, even to ourselves, about our obsessions. And sometimes, what began as a fun obsession becomes an addiction, or worse, a source of shame.

So, let me engage in a moment of self-honesty and list my current obsessions with neutrality.

But first, let’s define what an obsession is.

Obsession: An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

Now, be honest and list yours on a piece of paper before you read mine.

This is RIGHT NOW.

Last week might have been different, but what about today? Get exhaustive.

Really go there.

Call up your inner teenager and have a chat.

Photo by Nate DeWaele on Unsplash

Are you done now? Want to share one or two in the comments?

Ok, I’ll share my real list.

Deep breath.

This feels vulnerable and shaky.

Obsession Catalog 10-02-2022

1. Tim Henson/Polyphia — I follow every account, order merch, buy concert tickets for shows I can’t even go to, and watch every YouTube video. When they release new songs, I play them on loop until I know every note. It’s Tim Henson, the lead, who I’m most fascinated by.

   I’m obsessed and I joke that I’m their “oldest fangirl.” This is the video that kicked off my obsession with Polyphia, months ago when I first watched it:

2. My Weight — Yes, I constantly think about how fat or thin I am, what I’m eating, what my body looks and feels like, what I should be doing, or what I shouldn’t have done with food. Sometimes I restrict, sometimes I mild-binge then shame myself. I’m in therapy for this; it’s known as disordered eating. I’ve been doing it since I was like 10.

3. Substack — I love this platform. I moved the mobile app to the front of my phone’s home screen and hid all my other social media apps. Instead of doom scrolling IG, I wake up and read Substack posts from different people. This is the one I’m most obsessed with.

4. My own new novel that I’m editing, Acid Christmas, I think about it all day and what I should change and how to improve the characters, and ways to launch and market the book.

5. My Face Hairs — I constantly monitor their growth and pull out the ones in the “wrong” places. It’s beyond normal, as I check them every day, multiple times a day.

6. Instagram Stories — I just want to share so many things. Why? I don’t know. I’ve thought about this impulse and I can’t quite figure it out. Is it a desire to journal/document myself? Because I save them all to my phone? Is it attention-seeking? But I rarely look at who actually looked at them. I do like having conversations that stem from them, so maybe it’s the bid for connection vs attention.

   Or is it just good old fashion social media addiction?

   The truth is maybe just that I find it fun to make them.

7. Digital Hoarding — I save Internet/social/digital stuff like crazy that I think will be useful again, and then I never look at them again.

That is all. It could change next week. It was different last month.

And I could ask myself the same question: why? Why even share this post? Well, it’s because I want to know your obsessions so I can feel more “normal” about my own.

Thanks for reading.