The First Rule of Fat Club: A Poem
The First Rule of Fat Club: A Poem
A subversion of rules in response to a Chuck Palahniuk suggestion.
This week, the author of Fight Club, Chuck Palahnuik, announced his new novel, Not Forever, but For Now, on his Substack,
Plot Spoiler, stating that it was perhaps the best book he’s ever written, better even than Fight Club. No. Big. Deal. He also listed it for pre-sale on Amazon, and in a baller move, without even a cover on that platform. As an author who overthinks book releases, his casual pre-sale reminded me that there is absolutely no need to conform to convention. (The cover has since been added, but wasn’t there on announcement day.)
Palahniuk also wrote about the inspiration behind the new novel—his struggle with the “Cozy,” meaning the cozy mystery genre, and the need to subvert common genres.
He explained:
“This goes beyond parody or satire. It’s not about just exaggerating the qualities of the genre—the twee village, the deadpan reaction to bloody death, the over dependence on baked goods and cute animals—it’s also about adding a greater element of heartbreak and raw emotion…”
He elaborated further, saying, “So, I invite you. If there’s a genre of fiction that you don’t appreciate, get inside of it. Study how it works, and then reinvent it using its own rules.”
This reminded me of the very “Rules” of Fight Club:
I subverted his rules once myself, twisting them into a poem to express and vent my frustrations about living in a plus-sized body amongst a society that condemns and contrives bizarre stories about bigger people.
Not only do we contrive, but we also erase the stories. We do all sorts of weird, untruthful, dishonest things.
The word "fat" has been cut from all of Dahl's kids' books, according to The Telegraph. Augustus Gloop, from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," is now simply "enormous" rather than "enormously fat." Aunt Sponge, from "James and the Giant Peach", is no longer "the fat one." (From the article linked above)
It’s like now that we have semiglutides, all fat people can just disappear. Isn’t that what they (the non-members) want anyway?
I don’t like this. I like the word fat and I embrace it.
So, I’ll share my poem now, which I wrote in the midst of the pandemic when non-members warned thick people to be extra fearful of their own bodies.
If you are easily offended, triggered by weight issues, or experience disordered eating, perhaps stop reading right here. If not, subscribe for more potentially offensive posts and share this one with a friend!
The First Rule of Fat Club
You don’t talk about Fat Club.
You don’t talk about Fat Club. Fat Club is a state of being.
Never let them, the non-members of Fat Club, see you eat.
Skinny people should never see you eat, not even a piece of lettuce, nothing. To them, you exist on air. To them, your weight should seem “hormonal” or “genetic,” because of course you’re doing everything right. You eat right. You’re just a helpless, hungry victim of this over-saturated, sugar-coated, bread-bloated, junk food universe.
When someone outside Fat Club mentions your weight, lower your saggy, globby eyelids and strike an apologetic tone. Tell them you know. It’s been so hard. You’ve been dieting and working out with a personal trainer every single day. This will always be met with praise.
Only invite other Fat Club members to meals. Make sure the food is amazing. Never mention diets. Include chocolate cake, hot cookies, wine. If this is your first Fat Club, bring a jumbo bag of potato chips. If this is your 100th Fat Club, bring a jumbo bag of potato chips. Nachos are never not welcome.
Include fine cheeses with every meal.
Give yourself a secret Fat Club name; it should conjure mounds of skin, pounds of butter. The name of your first pet plus the last trash food you ate could be your Fat Club name. Ex: Whopper Donut.
Dress for Fat Club. Don’t show too much skin. Baggy everything. No upper arms. No Thighs. No crop-tops. No horizontal lines. Nudity only in the shroud of night.
Never weigh yourself. Never measure yourself. Fat Club isn’t a number on the scale. When clothes feel too tight, buy new clothes. You don’t want to know, but you will always know; you belong to Fat Club.
Selfies only from the neck up and head on. Watch your camera angles for rolls.
Fat Club is forever.
Stay in Fat Club for as long as you have to, which is likely forever, unless you get extreme cancer or a bad case of AIDS, or shell out loads of money for Ozempic or Wegovy, or whatever skinny person shot is trending next, since diets don’t work, and even a mild case of cancer probably won’t slim you down.
Trust in Fat Club, and remember, you can never be thin, but you can always eat cake.
How did this poem make you feel? Do you live in a plus-size body too?
I invite you to take the rules of Fight Club and subvert them to your own ends. Make your rules about anything. If you write something inspired by this post and want to share it, please put a line or two or 100 in the comments here.
And PLEASE, my fellow Fat Clubbers, stay happy and love yourself whatever size you are.
XXXXOOOO
Charlotte Dune
Love this. I'm not your project.