Three Books for Aging Optimists
My So Called Middle Life — Part 2
In part one of my series on middle life, I wrote about pre-conceived notions and shifts regarding our modern experience of “middle age.”
Rereading this post, I wonder if my title is too optimistic… If really, only Matthew McConaughey is optimistic about aging…
In search of more wisdom and truth, leading up to and after my 40th birthday, I read seven books about aging written by folks older than me, ones who had traversed their own Middle Ages, and who could look backward and forward.
Maybe the best thing about middle age is that you can see in all directions. There is hope for the future and nostalgia for the past. Whereas in youth, the past doesn’t exist, and in very old age, the future is also fading from view.
I read:
A Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion
How to Age without Getting Old, by Joyce Meyer
Greenlights, by Matthew McConaughey
Die with Zero, by Bill Perkins
It’s All Downhill from Here, by Terry McMillan
The Age of Miracles, by Marianne Williams
From Strength to Strength, by Arthur C. Brooks
I will discuss some of these titles now and others I’ll save for Part 3.
If you have other books you’d recommend I read about aging, either non-fiction or fiction, please let me know in the comments.
Magical Thinking
“we are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all.”
— Joan Didion, A Year of Magical Thinking.
The most eloquent of the books I read related to aging — A Year of Magical Thinking, by the now-late, but always great, Joan Didion. The overall message of this book is to enjoy every moment of your middle years and every person in them because time, family, and lovers, like life itself, are fleeting and they won’t happen twice.
I listened to this audiobook version performed by Vanessa Redgrave and it brought me to tears multiple times.
“There was a level on which I believed that what had happened remained reversible.”
The Year of Magical Thinking is a short book/audiobook and will appeal to anyone with its beautiful writing and heart-wrenching, true story detailing the deaths of Didion’s most beloved familia.
Didion wrote, “We allow ourselves to imagine only such messages as we need to survive.”
Maybe this is why menopause, erectile dysfunction, adult incontinence, age-related cognitive decline, and brittle bones remain mostly society’s secrets until we arrive there personally, either through a loved one or via ourselves.
Greenlights
Next up, maybe the least useful, albeit entertaining book of the bunch—Greenlights by actor Matthew McConaughey. While I could easily hate on this book and admonish it for focusing so much on McConaughey’s wet dreams (yes) I loved that the book was based on going over all his old diaries. As someone who has consistently kept a diary since third grade—this intrigued me.
At age 50, McConaughey treks out to the California desert, like a thirsty LA camel in search of wisdom with a trunk full of his old diaries, which he then reads. But, while I hoped for insight into being post 40, the book was mostly about his childhood and yes, his wet dreams, literally, his wet dreams. Peak hot white guy stuff.
I listened to him narrate the audiobook, so that was fun and there were some great quotes like:
“I believe the truth is only offensive when we're lying.”
However, he didn’t look to the future or discuss what it was like to physically age; instead, he kept having a really, really, really good time.
“I have a lot of proof that the world is conspiring to make me happy.”
Tip your cowboy hat to that and play the bongos naked while you’re high on LSD.
And to paraphrase him—Don’t chase butterflies, plant a garden so they come to you.
Be a lot cooler if you did.
More takeaways from Greenlights:
Less impressed and more involved.
Red lights mean take warning, slow down. Green lights mean GO and GO, GO, GO.
Be cool, not needy.
Create; don’t chase.
When you’re up to nothin’—no good is usually next
Take lots of showers in the daylight hours
Kiss the fire and walk away whistlin’
Educate before you indict
I am good at what I love, but I don’t love everything I’m good at.
Age without Getting Old
Ok, I’ll confess, I’m not really Christian, but I have a thing for Joyce Meyer. If you’re not familiar with her work, she’s a TV preacher/writer/televangelist (but I like saying TV Preacher better.) But hey non-Christians, don’t stop reading. Meyer can appeal to the religious and non-religious alike as most of her advice is just plain old common sense, like some tough love from your grandma.
My friend Maxine, a Black American girl from Chicago who worked for Obama’s first campaign, then moved to Cameroon, where we met, first introduced me to Meyer when I lived in Yaoundé, and at that time, I REALLY needed some serenity… Maxine watched Meyer near-daily and strove to emulate her in business and life. We’d watch her seroms together, usually, while we were getting glammed up for a night out, or recovering from one, and I’ve followed Meyer’s work off and on ever since. I also love her deep, masculine, rough, but sassy voice.
If you have PTSD, or have experienced abuse, I highly recommend her book—Beauty for Ashes: Receiving Emotional Healing. Meyer is a survivor of incest and shares her healing and forgiving journey.
Anyway, another impressive thing about Joyce Meyer is that she does SO MUCH stuff. She’s written 130 books in addition to her video and live event empire. She claims to write for 12 hours a day, often. And she looks WAY younger than her age, and seems to have a lot of energy, so when I saw a clip of her talking about this book, I grabbed it.
Meyer explains how aging forced her to slow down, but that there were many positives in the slowdown process.
She includes a quote I love from Katie Reed:
“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, not what’s left of you.”
The book was full of Bible verses, but also REAL TALK. It should have been titled, How to Fall Apart with a Smile on Your Face and a 100 million dollars in the bank. I especially enjoyed the section in the book highlighting women who started businesses in their 40s and 50s.
Meyer shares many quotes, but I think about this one the most, and I try to implement it in my own life:
“One of the smartest things we can do as we age is build relationships with the WISEST people we can find, and ask them as many questions as they’re willing to answer.”
She believes you can’t outsmart aging, so you must enjoy it.
Her primary thesis: aging sucks, your body basically disintegrates and you’re tired all the time, but at least you should have more money by now, so just relax, lean back, and spend cash on what you love, help your family, and have fun.
Yes ma‘am.
And speaking of money, in Part 3—I’ll talk about another book that really stuck with me and altered my mindset—Die with Zero, by Bill Perkins.
Have you read any of these books? What resonates with you?
Thanks for reading!
And if you liked this post, guess what? I’ve got entire books you can read! Check em out!
