Should we still send links to friends?

Reel talk and other quagmires of current relations

Should we still send links to friends? Should we share links with followers? What about reels and memes? What links should we text to group chats? To subscribers? Our sister? Is anyone gobbling up these link salads with delight, with joy?

Yes, it’s fun to share what we’re excited about, but is it beneficial or wise? Did our ancestors survive wars and famines so we could dm links about the Barbie movie and Ozempic?

How long do we pause and consider reality (or the person on the receiving end) before we click the share button on a piece of “content”?

Friends with Links

We all have that one friend who sends us memes or reels, like A LOT OF THEM, and sometimes I like it, but other times I don’t look at them.

Are you the same? Do you have that one friend? And how often do you actually engage with what they send? Do you have many friends that do this? How many? Are you that friend?

If we’re already bombarded with content, if we’re already super distracted, aren’t our friends and family experiencing the same deluge? Is sending more things ethical? Do people even look at what we share? How many meme reels do I want to see per day? If I have ten friends and five send me two reels a day, and two send me two podcasts, and a YouTube video, and two article links, and a Tik Tok, and a Tweet, and, and, and, and… isn’t it all too, too much?

Me trying to calculate how many memes I’ve probably ever seen

Oh the Algos

Plus, what about what I want to see? Aren’t The Algos doing it better than my friends anyway, because they know me better? “The Algos” are the algorithms that became like Invisible Gods (IGs) in control of our digital realms and minds and attention spans.

Now and then, a close friend will send me something I find totally offensive, and I’m left wondering, are they trying to antagonize me? Do they just want to show me how offensive this is for shock value? Or do they really not know me at all?

Is it sad or fine that The Algos, the IGs may know us better than our lovers, moms, or best friends?

Would you give up your phone for your best friend?

In a piece about how we shared and curated things in the past, before social media, writer Sam Kriss says:

“At best, [The Algos] they present you with a caricature of yourself that you then have to conform to. At worst, their processes of cumulative reinforcement serve you up the exact same bilge as everyone else, but shrouded in the aura of individuality.”

This quote rings especially true when I consider how often people send me things I’ve already seen, as if our Algos are in perfect sync.

Before you send something to someone, do you wonder if they’ve already seen it?

As I continue writing around the book Stolen Focus, by Johann Hari, and thinking about the hypothetical Stolen Focus Summer Challenge, I also wonder, is it still necessary for humans to share anything digital?

And yes, I’m aware of this irony; I’m still sharing this newsletter, this essay, this link, these memes, and I’m asking you to share it with your friends if that moves you, though maybe after reading this, you won’t want to share anything ever again.

A Poll:

Reel Talk

“Hot Dog Fingers” from the movie Everything Everywhere All At Once

While we know deep down that everyone has access to everything, our instinct is to still send content to friends because these transmissions are a language, a way of speaking. Meme speak, so to speak, a way to communicate our affection and ideas, to share the qualia of the Internet, and a very easy way indeed. Each content-only message is like a quick heart emoji to say, I’m thinking of you. Please like me back. Please love me. Please click my link. Please watch this. Please validate me with your time and attention. Please laugh simultaneously with me from afar.

We may desire more communication after such messages, or we may not. Nothing else really needs to be said sometimes, and a single piece of content can communicate an entire worldview. Though can it communicate well?

And how do we feel when these small bids for attention go unread, unresponded to, unliked?

“Everything that depends on the internet for its propagation will die. What survives will survive in conditions of low transparency, in the sensuous murk proper to human life… You have been plugged into a grave.”

— Sam Kriss “The Internet is Already Over.”

While it feels like nothing on the Internet ever dies, nothing gets fossilized either. In 5,000 years, what of these links will remain? Who will carve our most important memes into rocks for the aliens to find?

Silence of the Links

Still, if sharing is caring, wouldn’t we be sad if our friend who always sends us links suddenly stops like a cell phone thrown into the ocean? Isn’t there a place for sharing to foster genuine connection and conversation? I want to believe the answer is yes, and I don’t want any of my friends to stop texting me links, but I also want to stay mindful of people’s time and attention, so here are some informal rules I MAYBE apply when sending links to friends.

1. I want to discuss the content of the content. In this case, I’ll include some language like, “I’d love to discuss this with you.”

2. VERY FUNNY things designed to make a friend laugh or cringe or throw up in their mouth. (Probably should stop doing this.)

3. Youtube gems with low view counts that I’ve somehow discovered and think a friend will appreciate.

4. Specific job opportunities, grants, residencies, etc. that I think a friend should apply for, but probably hasn’t seen.

Now You

What kind of content do you send to friends and why?

How often do you resist the urge to send something?

How many people out of how many people do you think are viewing the same content online?

Do you have unofficial guidelines when sharing links with friends?

Should we more strongly resist algorithmic urges?

(Or don’t share.)