A Father's Day Movie Feature

Ezra for hopium; As We See It, or The Reason I Jump for realism.

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what to do with your parents to celebrate their “special day.” I’m not the biggest fan of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, as I’ve articulated here and here, but I still do it, and one good idea for Father’s Day, especially if it’s raining, is to sit everyone down for a Father’s Day special feature. (And yes, in case you forgot, Father’s Day is tomorrow here in the U.S.A.)

I recently watched two cinematic depictions of fatherhood, each showing multiple fathers and their different father-related struggles: Ezra and As We See It.

I’ll also give an honorable mention to the Netflix documentary, The Reason I Jump.

These stories portray the more and more common odyssey of being a father to a neurodivergent child, which is an experience I think all fathers and all children, moms, grandparents, basically everyone can benefit from watching. Plus, given that 1 in 36 American kids are diagnosed with autism,¹ this is a type of parenthood many men will grapple with.

I’ve rated each movie and show with my new book review system MABAM, which also works for movies! Yay! MAMAM!

Review my MABAM system here:

*Not into watching a movie and just need a Father’s Day gift?

Here is my Father’s Day book roundup from last year.

Now, onto the movies and shows.

Ezra

My rating for Ezra using the MABAM/MAMAM system: Solid Dose, Cheek Hurter, Heart Opener, Cry-it-Out

Pros: It’s hopeful, balanced, well-acted, and funny.

Cons: It was weirdly like a two-hour commercial for Jimmy Kimmel and his show, which they mentioned over and over again in the script.

Where to watch: Ezra is currently playing in theaters, though I’m sure you can find a pirated version online somewhere.

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score: 68%, Audience Score: 92%

Ezra is Hollywood’s latest autism movie attempt, with a star-studded cast, and the autistic child played by a newcomer named William Fitzgerald, age 15, who is on the autism spectrum himself (the Grandin State end of the spectrum, what we used to call Aspergers.)

The film’s main character is the struggling standup comic/comedy writer and father, Max, who is co-parenting his autistic 11-year-old son, and by co-parenting I mean—dragging his son to bars once a week to watch his comedy shows.

When the son’s school expels him for being a distraction to other children, and says he has to go to the special needs school and take anti-psychotic meds, Max flips out and kidnaps his son, but during the kidnapping, Max gets a call from his agent (Whoopi Goldberg): Jimmy Kimmel wants him on the Kimmel Show; they’ve got to get to LA asap.

This is the premise and in the trailer, so I’m not spoiling much.

The movie’s main external conflict is the dad’s struggle to keep his kid out of the special needs school and off psych meds, in opposition to Ezra’s mother, his primary caregiver, and the main internal struggle is the dad’s battle with himself not to be a terrible father and a raging asshole.

It sounds grim, but it was told in a comedic fashion. I laughed a lot; though at least twice I was the only one in the theater laughing, perhaps because my daughter was similar in some ways to Ezra.

Ezra also had definite Rain Man vibes with the road trip, and it felt very “modern” in terms of family, dating, school, and the friend dynamics.

Ezra is for Everyone

I thought about calling Ezra ConfusionCore, meaning a work that deliberately takes a confusing and contradictory stance to avoid offending anyone, but it isn’t really, it’s just a movie that strives to represent many experiences and admits to “not having all the answers.”

Though Ezra could be triggering for people who have to co-parent with a dumbass jerk, and while the movie was clearly designed to give sympathy to this spiraling, misguided dad who means well, but is a total f*ck up, I found myself feeling bad for the mom.

Max’s relationship with his own father, Stan, played by Robert Deniro, is also central to the story, which insinuates that both Max and Stan are also autistic, but undiagnosed. While this felt like a bit of a stretch to me, based on their character’s behavior, it was very realistic in terms of the way non-medical experts will freely diagnose others after even the briefest of encounters. And autism is heritable and Baby Boomers and GenX often weren’t diagnosed, so having this question lurking in the background and having neurotypicals speculate on the status of the older men in the family felt appropriate and relatable. Max acknowledges this in one line when he tells his son, “Your mother thinks everyone’s autistic.”

We also meet Max’s friend, Nick, played by Rain Wilson, who is also coded as autistic in the film but is thriving by living in the woods, where he doesn’t have to interact with many people or sensory stimulation.

Overall, the strongest element of the film for me was the way it gave a nod to all the pervasive American attitudes towards raising and educating kids with high-functioning² autism:

• High-Functioning Autism isn’t real; kids just need tough love and discipline. They need to get beat up a few times to learn. (the grandpa)

• Autistic kids should be with everyone else, not in a special school. We need to teach them how to blend in and overcome their disabilities. (the dad)

• Autism can’t be “overcome” and must be accepted for what it is. We shouldn’t try to change the kids or make them mask their autistic traits. Autistic kids require special care and should be in specialized learning environments free from bullying by neurotypical kids. (the mother)

Likewise, the film touched on many common experiences related to parenting an autistic child:

• Difficulties with school administration

• Elopement/running away

• Marital troubles and relationship problems

• Sensory issues

• Struggles with change and transitions

• Not feeling like you belong

• Troubles with authority

• Disinterest in or difficulty with making friends

• Autistic traits mistaken for rudeness

• Prescription-happy doctors

• Dislike for physical touch and affection

• Meltdowns and public outbursts

• Picky eaters

• Desire for isolation

• Trouble with the police

Likewise, the multi-generational cast will appeal to all ages. They designed the film to have something in it for everyone.

The movie was rated R, but I don’t know why, because to me it was very PG. Maybe there were a few F-bombs, and Rainn Wilson smokes a bong, but I mean, come on, it’s 2024. People should be able to smoke bongs in movies. Maybe I’m super liberal and lassez-faire, but I’d probably let a 10-year-old watch it.

Real-Life Inspiration and Reactions to Ezra

The film was inspired by the screenwriter, Tony Spiridakis’s fatherhood experience with his own autistic son, and some of the standup comedy jokes in the movie are taken directly from things that really happened to him—like his son melting down when he didn’t win musical chairs at a birthday party. I’m not sure how much of the move was biographical, or if the writer kidnapped his son or went on a road trip like this, but I’d be interested to know.

As a parent of a neurodivergent child myself, I was invited to watch a special screening of the film and a following dinner hosted by Cinema Paradiso and CARD, the Center for Autism and Related Disabilities, a joint program run by the University of Miami and Nova Southeastern University. I watched it with 20+ other moms, and an autism researcher and CARD program manager.

This was a great opportunity to see how parents of actually autistic kids reacted to the film. We laughed a lot and as far as I could tell from looking around and hearing people discuss the film after, everyone cried at the end. And no spoilers, but it wasn’t like an Old Yeller or My Girl kind of terribly sad ending, but it was emotional.

CARD is an excellent organization, by the way, giving real support to an underserved community—parents of disabled children and their children living with disabilities. If you need a charity to donate to, look no further.

The film offers a thought-provoking peek into the difficult reality of fathering a child with special needs, though it perhaps portrays a sugar-coated, “easier” version of the experience. It is a Hollywood movie, after all… The majority of the women I watched the film with have children with autism who can’t speak verbally and have intellectual disabilities alongside the autism. Seeing verbose autistic kids, like Ezra, was somewhat emotionally painful for some of these moms. Hence, why I also recommend the film below: The Reason I Jump, which features non-verbal autistic people.

Two more fatherhood and autism stories to watch

Though I enjoyed Ezra, I liked these two related works better:

The Reason I Jump

My MAMAM rating: Heroic Dose, and Cry it Out

The Reason I Jump (2020) is an experiential documentary featuring non-verbal autistic people from around the world, based on the Japanese memoir of the same title.

Where to Watch: Netflix

Rotten Tomatoes Audience Score: 97% Audience Score: 75%

This is a serious and cerebral documentary with beautiful cinematography that makes an effort with sounds and images to put the viewer into the world of the autistic people it follows.

This is suitable for all ages.

As We See It

My rating for As We See It: Heroic Dose, Cheek Hurter, Cry it Out, Heart Opener, Hits Fast

As We See It (2022) is a funny, gritty, raw, and realistic fictional TV show from Jason Katmis, creator of many shows, including My So-Called Life. Starring comedian Rich Glassman, this dramedy follows three autistic young adults, their autism support aid worker (played by Kevin Bacon’s daughter), and their families as they navigate adulthood, dating, and their struggles to find meaningful friendships and jobs.

All three main actors are also on the spectrum in real life.

I LOVED this show, and I recommend it to everyone.

Where to Watch: Amazon Prime

Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score: 90%, Audience Score: 97%

I found the father of Rich Glassman’s character on As We See It particularly relatable. Lots of father-child dynamics in this show, and more so than in Ezra, they don’t shy away from cringy or tougher topics. This one is rated R for real though, and contains quite a bit of sexual content.

While this show has a cult following now, at the time, not that many people watched it, so it wasn’t renewed and there is sadly only one season, but my partner and I binge-watched it.

And, fun fact, since Rich Glassman, star of As We See It, knows Rainn Wilson and Kevin Bacon’s daughter, we can deduce that all the cast members of both Ezra and As We See It, are only 1-2 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon, not six.

Now You

What are your go-to Father’s Day activities?

Have you seen any of the movies or shows I mentioned?

Other thoughts?

Which of these three works sounds the most appealing?

1. Stat from the CDC https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2023/p0323-autism.html#:~:text=One%20in%2036%20(2.8%25),of%20the%20entire%20United%20States.

2. I know this language is problematic, but we don’t have the greatest terms and saying “requiring minimum support” or “ASD level one” sounds just as problematic as “high-functioning,” but even more confusing to me, so that’s why I’ve chosen to use high-functioning in this context.